Moby and Nitrous

The verdict is a severe sinus infection and laryngitis. 😦

I finally broke down and saw a doctor this afternoon for my general state of unwellness, prompted by a suspicion that what I thought was just a funky cough might actually be turning into bronchitis. No, I’m not a Virgo, just terribly, terribly aware of what’s going on with my body. And, quite honestly, I sound like a squeaky toy.

 I’m now rolled up into a ball of silk nightshirt and cotton afghan, tripping on decongestants and listening to Moby. I’ve got a dentist appointment next week and being I’m the biggest coward in the known universe *have* to have nitrous oxide at every visit. (The fact is that I seriously love the buzz while the dentist seriously loves to keep my screaming to a minimum – it’s a win/win) I usually listen to my iPod to drown out the drill, and I’m thinking Moby and nitrous might be a match made in heaven. Tried Pink Floyd once; it took me to a bad, scary place.

I’ve been thinking this afternoon about love and trust. It’s possible to trust without loving, but impossible to love without trusting. True love isn’t something that can be killed instantly – it has to be worn down over time, one careless word or inconsiderate action at a time. One unkindness after another, and pretty soon all that was filled with love becomes a void.

Trust – you can kill that with one false step and when trust is gone, everything that went before or comes after is suspect.

Losing love is like a terminal illness – you see it coming, you prepare yourself for it and hopefully in time you recover and move on with your life. Losing trust is like an act of violence, of violation, of betrayal. You don’t see that one coming, which makes it all the harder to recover from.

I’ve just finished and sent off the latest edits on The Celtic Knot, am pitching an idea for a new book on Tarot, have a completed manuscript that I need to get busy editing, a little overdue website maintenance, plus two new book ideas that need outlining. All this and more is bouncing around in my wee noggin, nattering like a bunch of excited nanny goats – “Get off your ass and baaaaaaaaaak to work.”

In light of the hours I’ve been putting in lately, I’m starting to suspect that my recent setback might in fact be Mother Nature’s way to telling me to sit down and STFU. So for tonight, I’m going to curl up on the couch and listen to dreamy music until I fall asleep. And tomorrow, I’ll tackle my mountain again.

Sweet dreams!

 

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~ by Shannon MacLeod on December 14, 2011.

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