Me vs. the Email

I’ve been ranting on Twitter about the ridiculous spam email that I’ve been getting lately. People are lining up to rent forklifts to me, increase the size of my male member *winks*, warn me of impending doom in my horoscope or hook me up with the Asian or Christian single of my dreams. As a general rule, I just give a very unladylike snort and hit delete.  Until this one.

Sweet bleedinJaysus.  Ladies and Gentlemen, for your reading pleasure:

“hello again. how u doing cutie? in case u dont remember me its mee.. maddison! met ya off on a social site lol. i wanna say sorry for takign a whellole to email ya again. my internet and laptop are both completely screwed up….my I.M. is also.. such a pain in the butt! i have also been tied up getting ready to move..sorry if u get thellos email more than once also because like i said my email and stuff keep freezing so i dunno whats happening. I was excited that we chatted briefly by email…i am really relieved that I will know somoene OTHER than my aunt when I move… relieves a bit of stress..I thellonk we shoudl chat as much as possible before I move so we can get to know one another and that way when we meet we will feel like we have already known each other for a whellole lol 🙂 You will find out soon enough that I am a good talker and sometimes need to be told to stop babbling lol! So you must be a popular guy, do you have a lot of firends there? who do you live with? what do u do for work and stuff? I woudl liek to meet some of you friends.. girls or guys doesnt matter im cool with both 🙂 im bi lol! Whatcha do for fun and all that? like in your spare time? spend a lot of time online chatting? I DO! I am actually excited to move now and meet up with ya.. I am way overdue for a change and my rent here is soo i have student loan to pay back so it will give me kinda a fresh start ya know! So I am finally single after 2 years of HELL lol.. was with my ex for just abotu 22 months and he was such a tool. didnt respect me or treat me how i deserved.. im soo excited to be moved on, another reason why i am moving.. u got a girlfriend? I also wanted to ask you if you know anyone helloring right now? I need to find a job and I thought maybe u could help me? Like maybe u know a club owner or restaurant owner who will hellore me? im good at serving 🙂 Ok so I guess you want to know a bit more info about me right ? ok sooooooo…health, there hid herself for several months, till the king sent her death warrant. She has not told Lucy, and made me promise secrecy. I am a big rhelloanna fan, I love music, mainly 80’s, dance, hellop hop top 40. I love to hang out and shop and dance and tan.. I love all types of men and women.. I am an amazing girlfriend if iI find the right guy, ill do anythellogn for them.. even in bed im totally open minded and will do basiclly anythellong.. I am a pretty positive person, i am smart, always got good marks in school, i am loyal honest trust worthy friendly excited and VERY talkative lol..I am also BIG on playing with myself and my toys lol.. sorry to be blunt but who doesnt lol? in bed i love doggy and i love it rough! spank me baby lol…Ok so let me explain to you a bit more about my job cause I know you’re wondering right? ok so basicly I get paid to chat with people and take my clothes off and touch myself.. 3 thellongs I LOVE doing anyways so why not make $ at it right? of course some guys judge me and look down on it, and im REALLLY hoping you’re not like that or Ill be sad 😦 but a girls gotta do what a girls gotta do… I really like my job its easy and its good $ whelloch is what i need cause of my shellotty financial situation 😦 So i am werking like 24-7 trying to save $ for the move in a few days… and since i was wanting to chat with u more heres the idea i came up with.. every few months my company gives me 3 promos passes to give out to whoever i want.. with thellos pass you are able to chat me on my site for free.. unl;ike everyone else who has to pay lol.. so i was gonna give u one of these so u can coem chat me.. its totally up to u and i completelety understand if u dont want to come to my chat room to chat me.. its just alot easier that way cause im logged in there most of the time now and my messenger and email keeps freezing (ill be shocked if thellos email even gets through to you)… So i can give u one of my promo links but on ONE condition.. U ABSILUTELY cannot share it with anyone.. u cannot let any of ur freinds have it or i can get in trouble.. im trusting that u will keep it juyst for urself! is that cool? with thellos pass u can sign in whenever u want and chat me and see me at NO costs.. 0.00 where for everyone else its 5$….thellos way we can chat more and thenw e will feel a lot more comfortable when we meet up soon 🙂 Now just so u know.. u still have to prove your over 18 by putting in your C.C but thats just for age ver!f!cation…cutie im really trusting u and im really hoping we can chat… please dont let ur friends sign in wiht thellos link PLEASEEEEEE!!! i want to exchange cell numbers with u once u login as well as my new address and stuff.. i need u to help me move on moving day please if u dont mind? ill make it up to u.. diner on me + a massage for all your sore muscles lol.. ok here u go.. im signed in now and waiting so come nwo if u can… chat in a few mins.. point browser to”

I’m pretty sure it goes without saying that I don’t have a clue who this silly chit is, but I do offer her one bit of advice:  Maddison – take a breath, ffs.

I have no idea what helloring is, but I’m damn sure that tact,  taste, something resembling punctuation or spell check are NOT involved.  Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got to research my family tree. Apparently, I had a rich, hitherto unknown relative in Nigeria that has recently passed away and left me a bazillion dollars in their will. W00T!


~ by Shannon MacLeod on July 12, 2011.

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